I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
