so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
foreskin is a definite game changer
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
