Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
