Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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