Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
