I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
