You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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