Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
