He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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