i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Two words: nipple clamps
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