I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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