I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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