i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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