...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
