So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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