so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
