Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
