Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
