and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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