I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
