Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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