I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
