The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
