i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
