Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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