i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
