i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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