I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
