stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
