Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
