for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
