It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
