that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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