I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
