i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
