How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
