Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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