Pappa wants mamma naked
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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