yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
