Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want to make out with him forever
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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