Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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