In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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