Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
