i just had sex bonerless
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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