I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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