rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
