Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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