I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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