literally had 100 drinks last night.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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