Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
