do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
