My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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