U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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