my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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