you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
