Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
