i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
