I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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