dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
