just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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