whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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