You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
