God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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