I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize