I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
