I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
