I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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