my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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