Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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