my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
