why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
