i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
