His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The adults are the big ones right?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
