We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
