I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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