I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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