I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
